It has been a while hasn't it. Would like to share with you all that I witnessed a horse eat and enjoy two bananas at the weekend and as far as I'm concerned - twoz awesome. Brings a whole new level to my love of bananas.

Hmmm what else have I been up to. After spending a very short three weeks in England with family and friends and my dearest loved one who isn't so dear since Saturday - yep big aaaah for me people. Anyways, where was I - after homeland visit, headed back to Berlin to start my new jobby and new life. Now I would like to say how much I like it here...never sure if the job is right but lordy - 23 years old - who know what I'll end up doing. Not me anyways. And living with some really nice people, feel very lucky (even if I am pining for my mummy and daddy for a big fat hug and I'm sooo not ashamed to admit that - I can't act like an adult all my life can I now)

Yeah, Halloween was the other week...went out as black cat...danced like a monkey all night long and just had a hoot. I'm learning guitar too - you're reading someone's scribbles who has mastered the flippin fantastic C major last night. Woop de doo. And then that was followed by tears and tears of losing man. Yet I am back today. Done my crying and self pity act and am ready to get back ont ye ol' horse. Not literally of course but always known deep down that we wouldn't last in spite of my best efforts to lie to myself. Man I'm good at that. But the truth be that I am better than that and there is some poor bugger out there waiting to get struck by my magic. Not yet though - got plans. Wanna do some living first and take some time to be a selfish schmuck and do what I want to do. Won't lie though - a best friend and lover will be greatly missed. I love caring for someone. Simple as. But not going to waste my time with takers anymore. Will wait for another giver. Yep, me thinks I have right there.

Am currently in work, hence typing away on my blog - taking a quick 10 minute break. Don't know why but feel like a fifth better when I get out some words naahmean. Aye, writing rubbish defo helps in times of pathetic anguish. Been thinking need a brand new plan...but what hey... but what? Who's got some ideas for Sara? I would think of my own but my ideas tend to be incredibly crazy and well, I'm a brainstormer...not so methodically minded!

Woah there cowboy, gotta get back to worky. Right I be gone. Poof.

Oooooh I'm a bad babysitter ha ha - just got a spank from my mother. Love it. I ate all the chicken and carrots from her fresh home made soup :)And then the crazycat chased me out of the kitchen when she discovered my mischief. Aaaah good times good times. There's nothing like a lil beating from your ma. I do it to remind her I'll always be that little brat she brought into the world and purely for my own amusement. I forget how she stutters when she's real mad. It's awesome. Just so goddamn funny, bless her. I love my mum when she's angry with me. I stole her joggy pants for joggin this morn to go hiking and she called me pretty POed. Like screamed down the phone. Anyways, I apologised and gave her a snuggle before I went off to take a snooze.

Boy, I forgot just how great afternoon snoozes are. Helll, I don't know anyone who doesn't agree with that statement beeeecause SNOOZES ROCK. I'm going to miss those the most when I have to start full time work. Even just the thought of a nap after I've had some lunchy brings a cheshire cat grin to my countenance. Snuggling into bed and taking time out is pobabl in my top five things to do I would say. Yeah, defo top five - if not defo in top ten.

So right, I have just discovered this geeetar player who I now love. Yes, I do in fact want his babies. Lots and lots and lots of them. This guy makes music that makes my heart skip a beat or two and boy do I need the ol heart to skip and leap every so often right now. I imagine my heart to be just like a frog right now. You know, it's there and all. Just sitting on one of those floating leaves, almost looking like a statue trying it's best to keep balance and keep afloat but still making the odd "ribbit" every so often to let the world know he's still there. Love hurts hey.

Today was a hoot though. Tom (one of my buddybuds) and I went for walkies to Studley Pike. I made THE best ham mustard butties in the world. I am THE man. God I love ham mustard butties. They rock too. Woah there I'd better jet - supposed to be going out in half an hour and I still smell like cats ass from zeee walk. Laterez ai.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh I have cramp in my bloody left foot eek it hurts. Oh how it goddamn hurts. Cramp has to be the most annoying thing ever, well after my darling mother (who I love so so much) she doesn’t half love to nag though. Anyways I’ve just come out of the worst part of the cramp phase and am now just suffering with the lil left over tremors of the flippin’ awful feeling.

Been singing that American Pie song tonight because I’ve lately lost my best friend and I’m at a loss. A big fat loss. It sucks ass. I don’t get close to many people and I certainly don’t show to people who I really am. Don’t trust nobody – does anybody else find that these days? People just aren’t reliable. They either are frikkin’ great actors and act like they care and like they wanna be your friend when they’re just liars and just want whatever. How come the world has lost its genuiness AND I don’t care if that isn’t a real goddamn word because you know what I mean. All I’m looking out for is myself from now on and for the people I see truely worthwhile. And I’ve no idea why that Pie song would help. I just thought singing about pie would cheer me up.

I’m always struck by this topic really, simply because I don’t have that many experiences with “incredible” friendships and perhaps I expect too much from people BUT is it really really THAT hard to treat someone the way they treat you...eeeeeh nah! Crikey I’m ranting away like anything. I’m a crazy beeeeeeeeOTCH.

I’ll stop. Or will I? Probably not. Nope, I’m never ever going to change, I’m going to keep my standards high and those who can’t jump the bar can stick it in their bum bum ha ha and anyways hopefully I’ll attract a nice flock of birds my way because I’m sick of finding out that people are jackasses. So yeeeoh. That is that and I is Pat.

And now I think I will pack up my shiz and put my feet up. Packing is rather a chore. I’m going to do it in style tonight...scrape all the crap off my shelves and into my suitcase and bad-a-bing bad-a-boom...DONE. Hell I’m gonna do it now.

I’m hoping someone will e-mail me soon and so I keep checking my mail like every 2 seconds and core blimey THEY’VE NOT MESSAGED ME L boooo big boo! I guess I’m hoping for a miracle if they mail me back. Mann oh man, it’s offel to lose someone dear to you.

Woah I do tend to jump from topic to topic don’t I. Sorry. I’m going to write a letter to a bud bud now. Now she’s a loverly girly whirl and I want to say goodbye properly to her. I love writing letters by hand. It just adds a lil something extra extra don’t cha think. K gotta jet bye.

And nope, they’ve still not mailed me yet...

I is pooopy tonighty and I can't wait to go homey and and and get a big hug hug from my Mum and yeah it's all going to be just like Tony says - GrrrrrrrrrrEAT. I will be just as soon as I get my hug quotus up from a big fatty zero to a luxurious ten hugs a day. Arrrrgh I can't wait. I can't wait til I find some flippin' friends so I can get at least get a few sneaky sneaky greeting hugs in. And it's not like I can give everyone at work a morning hug because they'll think I've gone absolutely crackers. Well, the chances are high that they already think I am crackers but who gives one ey...snot smmeeee!

Cut my nails tonight. Now I'm suffering with that really annoying feeling like there's something missing from the end of my fingers. It's crazy and I canny stand it. Reminds me of the days my mother dearest used to force me down and cut 'em for me - WORST DAYS EVER. It just doesn't feel right for like ages and ages! Well just thought I'd let you into that lil experienco. I'm off. Laterez