Well well well, I have no idea why I get sooooo incredibly creative and thoughtful in the ol office (or at any other convenient time as a matter of fact). But I find myself once again – typing away like there’s no tomorrow about all the bloomin’ crap that spins around in my head.

It dawned on me last night before I went to bed and just before I walked face first into my flippin’ bathroom door and cracked my schnozzle one! That I am in fact Black Beauty.


You see, I am naturally a super happy, enthusiastic and positive person who wants to succeed in the areas that mean a lot to me. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t give it my all each and every time – it just ain’t who I am. So my role currently is not fulfilling my needs of achievement. AND according to the ever so wise Maslow (he's the geezer we learnt about in business studies who chatted on about worker needs and motivations) – anyways my needs need to be met and then will I be once again perky perkerson. But until then, I’m crumbling inside. That’s why I’m like Black Beauty.



You see Black Beauty was this fine specimen of a horse, playing in the field, galloping about the place until he got taken away, sold, beaten, worked to the bone and almost starved to death before he got saved. I’m at the beaten and starved stage right now. I fear it couldn’t get any worse – unless I got smacked with a garden gnome again and that would just be plain unlucky. My once lively spirit of playing in the fields has been broken, just like good ol’ Blacky’s. I am waiting for a sign, something, anything to swing my way and bring me out of this crushing, soul destroying feeling of dismay, sadness and sheer disappointment.

Ok so maybe I’m being a wee drastic but I gota do something. I need to find a way, find my feet and flippin’ stay positive. Lord knows what might happen otherwise!

Quick question – is Black Beauty a boy or girl?



I’m back on the water challenge again. I did it all last year when I had what was probably THE worst time of my life. This little daily challenge used to keep my very occupied indeedio. I’d drink lots and pee lots which equates to optimum time wasting. Plan batman yeah. Well. It was a plan until I read about drinking so much that you drown your body – so I’m playing the “careful” water challenge now. So far I’m 1.5 litres down, got me a nice big round belly brimming with water and I won’t lie, I’m feeling a bit queasy. It’s going well though, I’m up from yesters – it’s only half three so there’s plenty more downing time available.

Luncheon was a chore today. Went to this canteen where I had to eat some nasty sauce. I don’t know why but since I’ve become chef man bing, I don’t enjoy eating out as much because I can taste all the crap that restaurants put in food to make it taste “yummy”. It’s all a loads of bollocks, I cook well nice fresh food without none of this butter, salt…schmatever malarkey. It’s actually costing me an arm and a leg eating out every day but it’s the only piece of sanity I get from my sheltered and lonely and extremely mind numbingly boring day.

I often wonder how the devil I manage to get myself into such situations. I mean, I end up doing things which I despise and how – I’ll tell you how – because I’m a big berk. Yep, 100% berk in my blood. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with myself rather than constantly doing things I bloomin’ can’t stand. I’m in one of those moods where I beat myself up, mentally of course – physically would be a quite a challenge don’t you think. Anyways, yeah. Work sucks because I want to do my own thing but I need experience of the business world. Grrr.


Going out tonight too which I can't wait for, have me some wine – a glass or two, maybe three. Put it this way I want me to be nice and merry! I've made a really great friend. In fact I haven't had such a phat friend -who is a girl I might add in there - since I was 16. And now in my wise old age, I recognise that it's not particularly healthy to be around blokes and only blokes 24/7. Sure they're fun and all but the lad humour and shallowness can really get a girl down every once in a while. So I've learned. But this lass is awesome. Love her humour and love how it's easy to be around her and I goddamn wish that there were more girls like that around. I'm going to be heartbroken when she has to go back to uni and I have to keep doing what I'm doing - who will I laze about with all day in Mauerpark!!! I’ll have to bloomin’ lie around on my toddy and we all know that just isn’t any fun.

Ooooo I’m a bad babysitter… guess who’s eating a whole load of peanut M&Ms! ME. Promised myself no sweeties in worky BUT they’re saving me from eternal bordom. I like to nibble all the choccy off and then munch away on the peeeanut. Man I love peanuts. Dunno why, but I do. Oh I like almonds too and cashews- mmmm I luuurve cashews. I like having one cashew nut with like 3 raisins - perfecto combo. Tastes increders. Now I'm singing "I like cashews I like cashews" over and over and over in my head. I’m going to buy some on the way home. Sweet Lord, I can’t wait to go home. I’m calling my pops tonight too. Just can’t wait. The guy is a LEGEND. I actually miss him immensely. He’s just so goddamn awesome. Alrighty, I’ve got pee – goddamn water.