Oooooh I'm a bad babysitter ha ha - just got a spank from my mother. Love it. I ate all the chicken and carrots from her fresh home made soup :)And then the crazycat chased me out of the kitchen when she discovered my mischief. Aaaah good times good times. There's nothing like a lil beating from your ma. I do it to remind her I'll always be that little brat she brought into the world and purely for my own amusement. I forget how she stutters when she's real mad. It's awesome. Just so goddamn funny, bless her. I love my mum when she's angry with me. I stole her joggy pants for joggin this morn to go hiking and she called me pretty POed. Like screamed down the phone. Anyways, I apologised and gave her a snuggle before I went off to take a snooze.

Boy, I forgot just how great afternoon snoozes are. Helll, I don't know anyone who doesn't agree with that statement beeeecause SNOOZES ROCK. I'm going to miss those the most when I have to start full time work. Even just the thought of a nap after I've had some lunchy brings a cheshire cat grin to my countenance. Snuggling into bed and taking time out is pobabl in my top five things to do I would say. Yeah, defo top five - if not defo in top ten.

So right, I have just discovered this geeetar player who I now love. Yes, I do in fact want his babies. Lots and lots and lots of them. This guy makes music that makes my heart skip a beat or two and boy do I need the ol heart to skip and leap every so often right now. I imagine my heart to be just like a frog right now. You know, it's there and all. Just sitting on one of those floating leaves, almost looking like a statue trying it's best to keep balance and keep afloat but still making the odd "ribbit" every so often to let the world know he's still there. Love hurts hey.

Today was a hoot though. Tom (one of my buddybuds) and I went for walkies to Studley Pike. I made THE best ham mustard butties in the world. I am THE man. God I love ham mustard butties. They rock too. Woah there I'd better jet - supposed to be going out in half an hour and I still smell like cats ass from zeee walk. Laterez ai.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh I have cramp in my bloody left foot eek it hurts. Oh how it goddamn hurts. Cramp has to be the most annoying thing ever, well after my darling mother (who I love so so much) she doesn’t half love to nag though. Anyways I’ve just come out of the worst part of the cramp phase and am now just suffering with the lil left over tremors of the flippin’ awful feeling.

Been singing that American Pie song tonight because I’ve lately lost my best friend and I’m at a loss. A big fat loss. It sucks ass. I don’t get close to many people and I certainly don’t show to people who I really am. Don’t trust nobody – does anybody else find that these days? People just aren’t reliable. They either are frikkin’ great actors and act like they care and like they wanna be your friend when they’re just liars and just want whatever. How come the world has lost its genuiness AND I don’t care if that isn’t a real goddamn word because you know what I mean. All I’m looking out for is myself from now on and for the people I see truely worthwhile. And I’ve no idea why that Pie song would help. I just thought singing about pie would cheer me up.

I’m always struck by this topic really, simply because I don’t have that many experiences with “incredible” friendships and perhaps I expect too much from people BUT is it really really THAT hard to treat someone the way they treat you...eeeeeh nah! Crikey I’m ranting away like anything. I’m a crazy beeeeeeeeOTCH.

I’ll stop. Or will I? Probably not. Nope, I’m never ever going to change, I’m going to keep my standards high and those who can’t jump the bar can stick it in their bum bum ha ha and anyways hopefully I’ll attract a nice flock of birds my way because I’m sick of finding out that people are jackasses. So yeeeoh. That is that and I is Pat.

And now I think I will pack up my shiz and put my feet up. Packing is rather a chore. I’m going to do it in style tonight...scrape all the crap off my shelves and into my suitcase and bad-a-bing bad-a-boom...DONE. Hell I’m gonna do it now.

I’m hoping someone will e-mail me soon and so I keep checking my mail like every 2 seconds and core blimey THEY’VE NOT MESSAGED ME L boooo big boo! I guess I’m hoping for a miracle if they mail me back. Mann oh man, it’s offel to lose someone dear to you.

Woah I do tend to jump from topic to topic don’t I. Sorry. I’m going to write a letter to a bud bud now. Now she’s a loverly girly whirl and I want to say goodbye properly to her. I love writing letters by hand. It just adds a lil something extra extra don’t cha think. K gotta jet bye.

And nope, they’ve still not mailed me yet...

I is pooopy tonighty and I can't wait to go homey and and and get a big hug hug from my Mum and yeah it's all going to be just like Tony says - GrrrrrrrrrrEAT. I will be just as soon as I get my hug quotus up from a big fatty zero to a luxurious ten hugs a day. Arrrrgh I can't wait. I can't wait til I find some flippin' friends so I can get at least get a few sneaky sneaky greeting hugs in. And it's not like I can give everyone at work a morning hug because they'll think I've gone absolutely crackers. Well, the chances are high that they already think I am crackers but who gives one ey...snot smmeeee!

Cut my nails tonight. Now I'm suffering with that really annoying feeling like there's something missing from the end of my fingers. It's crazy and I canny stand it. Reminds me of the days my mother dearest used to force me down and cut 'em for me - WORST DAYS EVER. It just doesn't feel right for like ages and ages! Well just thought I'd let you into that lil experienco. I'm off. Laterez

Trying to sleep but can't. Changed my life tonight and am wondering if I trust myself to get me through the next chapter. The uncertainty in life is like a fly landing right on my banoffee pudding. I can't stand not knowing and I can't stand anything that comes between me and my bananarooney.

In bed ... again ... where I seem to spend most my days and will probably be staying in bed as much as possible - it's the only place where I can't feel safe and warm AND I'm listening to Radiohead, I'm a fan alright. For the way I feel this very minute they have to be the best pick of the bunch to match the mood. Remind me of my bud Matt - what a guy. Met him on the first day of uni. Sat with him since then. We were dweedle dee and tweedle dumm. Friend for life. k I'm mumbling and now I don't feel like writing my thoughts down. Might message Mattyboy instead. I'm out. Kbye.